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Literature Text
I dream of shadows consuming a non-existent light, winds carrying away any sound that the silence could have yielded, and a vengence so sweet that I was terrified to ever sleep, and risk confronting it, ever again.
I wake with a pain in my throbbing and heated chest, a scalding face that broke out into a cold sweat, and clutching hands folded towards me, threatening and plenty ready to tear my self, and soul, apart.
The sun is still sleeping and the silent slumber could be heard throughout this paper-thin house. The walls hide erased alibis and scribbled out lies that no one wants to believe. The folds and burnt-through holes in this shelter let in a chill that helps provoke hopes and dreams for better places. The ominous silence of not hearing a complaint or accusation calms me to a place of overthinking and mass paranoia, preparing and convincing myself that there is worse to come.
My tragic flaws have set my course in this tragic tale to never end my sorrows and somehow find a way to keep me falling from grace, never to return again. Whenever I attempt to climb back up and establish a base of trust and strive to build myself up, a trojan horse knocks me down and the people inside run away laughing at my misfortune and punishment, and I am the only one to blame.
It doesn't matter if something happened against my will or I had no control over the events, its my fault because I exist. My very being causes too many oppurtunities to bring pain, and everyone knows it. I should be perfect knowing most of my flaws and how to prevent most of them, I should be perfect after all the crap I caused. I should be picking up the shit that hit the fan and be using every bit of my worthless being to try and mold it into something beautiful. But now I feel it's too late.
-Things I can't, but should be able to, control keep happening. No one can trust me and I don't deserve to have anyone to trust, or trust myself. This thinking causes me to hold in all of my emotions and only let out the ones that I know that other people will handle and believe, which is probably best for everyone.
If only I could take back everything I did, everything I did that made the people that knew and loved me, now hate me. If only we could turn back time.
If only I didn't exist.
Then maybe everything would be so much better.
I wake with a pain in my throbbing and heated chest, a scalding face that broke out into a cold sweat, and clutching hands folded towards me, threatening and plenty ready to tear my self, and soul, apart.
The sun is still sleeping and the silent slumber could be heard throughout this paper-thin house. The walls hide erased alibis and scribbled out lies that no one wants to believe. The folds and burnt-through holes in this shelter let in a chill that helps provoke hopes and dreams for better places. The ominous silence of not hearing a complaint or accusation calms me to a place of overthinking and mass paranoia, preparing and convincing myself that there is worse to come.
My tragic flaws have set my course in this tragic tale to never end my sorrows and somehow find a way to keep me falling from grace, never to return again. Whenever I attempt to climb back up and establish a base of trust and strive to build myself up, a trojan horse knocks me down and the people inside run away laughing at my misfortune and punishment, and I am the only one to blame.
It doesn't matter if something happened against my will or I had no control over the events, its my fault because I exist. My very being causes too many oppurtunities to bring pain, and everyone knows it. I should be perfect knowing most of my flaws and how to prevent most of them, I should be perfect after all the crap I caused. I should be picking up the shit that hit the fan and be using every bit of my worthless being to try and mold it into something beautiful. But now I feel it's too late.
-Things I can't, but should be able to, control keep happening. No one can trust me and I don't deserve to have anyone to trust, or trust myself. This thinking causes me to hold in all of my emotions and only let out the ones that I know that other people will handle and believe, which is probably best for everyone.
If only I could take back everything I did, everything I did that made the people that knew and loved me, now hate me. If only we could turn back time.
If only I didn't exist.
Then maybe everything would be so much better.
I was thinking of naming this "Guilt" or "Guilty" or "If only I didn't exist" but then I thought it would sound too depressing since the writing itself is already depressing enough as is :/
So yeah, wrote this maybe in 20-40 minutes, I didn't really time myself this time, didn't really notice that it's about to be ten pm either... <<"
But yeah, some writing, tadah, floppity floo, funny noises of introducing random junk, etc.
And um, I put this on warning because... I dunno, I don't want some ten year old reading this I guess XD
And the part that has this little - thing and after is the part that I'm not really sure on, critiques on that would be cool.
Critiques on the whole thing would be cool too actually. (also the first part isn't really supposed to make sense sometimes, I dunno, I thought it sounded cool XD )
So yeah, some thoughts on paper, made deviation, and now going to bed or read a book on my bed or something or write more.
Later, hope to come back soon.
So yeah, wrote this maybe in 20-40 minutes, I didn't really time myself this time, didn't really notice that it's about to be ten pm either... <<"
But yeah, some writing, tadah, floppity floo, funny noises of introducing random junk, etc.
And um, I put this on warning because... I dunno, I don't want some ten year old reading this I guess XD
And the part that has this little - thing and after is the part that I'm not really sure on, critiques on that would be cool.
Critiques on the whole thing would be cool too actually. (also the first part isn't really supposed to make sense sometimes, I dunno, I thought it sounded cool XD )
So yeah, some thoughts on paper, made deviation, and now going to bed or read a book on my bed or something or write more.
Later, hope to come back soon.
© 2011 - 2024 AzeeraTheNinja
Comments15
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"If only I didn't exist" I love how that line is all by itself, it has that much more power that way. There's no way to avoid reading it even if one was to skim through the rest of the piece. I resonates particularly for me because one of my characters who hasn't had any page time yet is thinking the same thing! She came into my head saying, "I wish I was never born," then went on to clarify. It's weird, because I never had thoughts like that myself. I know what you mean though.